Talking to Someone You Love About Their Drinking or Drug Use
You are not imagining it, and you are not alone
Watching someone you love struggle with alcohol or drugs is painful. You may feel angry, scared, worn out, or all three on the same day. Wanting to say something is not interfering. It is care.
Before the conversation
Pick a calm moment. Not during an argument, and not when the person is intoxicated.
Choose a private place where nobody feels cornered.
Decide what you want to say. A few specific, honest sentences work better than a long speech.
Expect it to be difficult. The first conversation rarely solves anything, and that is okay.
During it
Speak from what you have seen and how it affects you. 'I have noticed you seem exhausted lately and I am worried about you' lands differently from 'you have a problem.' Labels tend to start fights. Specifics tend to start conversations.
Listen more than you talk. People are more likely to consider help when they feel heard and not judged.
What to avoid
Ultimatums you are not prepared to keep.
Shaming, guilt, or bringing up every past incident.
Hiding or covering for the consequences of their use.
If they say no
Sometimes the answer is no, or 'not now.' That does not mean the conversation failed. You have told them you care and that you are there. Many people need to hear that more than once.
Take care of yourself too
You cannot make another adult change. You can look after your own health, set limits that protect you, and lean on people you trust. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, offers free and confidential information for families as well as individuals.
When they are ready
If your loved one decides to ask about treatment, Cherry Creek Treatment Center's admissions team in Wichita can talk with them at 316-330-7126.
